Responsibility Breeds Empowerment
Do you ever face the question of why some people change while others seem to be stuck at one spot without moving forward with the same expression and problems?
We all know people who lived almost on the street and made their way up as Eminem, Chriss Prat, Jim Carrey, Sylvester Stallone, Madonna, Michael Oher, and many more.
Why do some people change while others stay the same?
Kain Ramsay, one of the most critical self-development figures, proposes that nothing changes unless we take responsibility for something.
"Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being. With freedom comes responsibility. For the person who is unwilling to grow up, the person who does not want to carry his own weight, this is a frightening prospect."
Eleanor Roosevelt
People are afraid of taking responsibility. It can be one of the reasons why so many people believe in destiny. It’s nice to think that where you have ended in life is not your responsibility. But this approach can be very expensive over time.
- I am stupid because I cannot concentrate
- I am slow and obese because of that thing I will stay like that.
- I am who I am and helpless in doing something about it because it’s somewhere written in the stars.
Beware of these I am statements because there can came a day when you will believe them. Then they will limit you and hinger your progress. Then the only way to get rid of them is to review and challenge these beliefs and that is not easy.
👎 I cannot pass this math exam. I am so bad at learning it
- What is the evidence?
- Did I sit down and practiced?
- Cannot it be just my lack of focus or not enough pratise?
- Really I cannot learn it?
- If it takes me longer to learn something, it means I am bad at it?
- When I came to belive that I am bad at learn math?
- Do I need to know so much to pass the exam? Cannot I apply the 80 / 20 rule?
Be courageous because here you are moving with your beliefs - the foundations you are basing your life upon. It will be hard fight, but It can get you closer to what is important to you.
In challenging times, we need to get something to take the weight from us. But I would propose that we are strong enough to handle it most of the time. It’s not about making ourselves better or worse than other people. Instead, it’s about us growing in self-awareness and developing a more helpful mindset.
"It's in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. It's not in happiness. It's not in impulsive pleasure."
Jordan Peterson
The article is about me sharing challenging questions that can help you identify weak spots so you can grow. So I will leave there a few questions for your benefit. But what you do with it is up to you.
Reflecting questions:
❔ What live areas did you not take full responsibility for?
It can be your finances, relationships, career, personal growth, health, and many others.
❔ What actionable steps can you take to improve it?
Today, tomorrow, or this week?
❔ How can you keep yourself accountable?
You can tell it to a friend or family member. This will surely motivate you to improve in it!
What do you focus on, you feel
Let’s imagine a scenario the war in Ukraine starts, and you are deeply affected and disturbed by the whole affair. You feel helpless and scared by the whole thing. It seems like a nightmare that you have never expected to happen.
At one moment, you decide to go out and see a dog lying on his back and waving his hands. He is just showing his happiness and satisfaction in the warm sun. He is so cute! And in an instant, you forget about the war that made you so sad, and you feel great, smiling. In a moment, the life experience changes.
I believe that you can, on some level, relate.
"One of the most extraordinary stories of reframing is that of Roger Bannister, the first person to run a mile in less than four minutes. Bannister was a medical school student who couldn’t afford a trainer or a special runner’s diet. He didn’t even have time to run more than thirty minutes a day, squeezed in around his medical studies. Yet Bannister did not focus on all the reasons why he logically had no chance of reaching his goal. He instead refocused on accomplishing his goal in his own way. On the morning he made world history, he got up, ate his usual breakfast, did his required hospital rounds, and then caught a bus to the track."
Barbara Oakley, A Mind For Numbers
What I encourage you to do is identify all the things that you are worried about. Then select those that you have control over and flip the sites with positively framed outcomes. For example:
- I am stupid -> I want to learn something!
- I am stressed -> I want to be strong and mature!
- I am stuck -> I want to change!
- I am afraid that I cannot be a good father -> I want to be a good father!
For example, you can imagine a student who is before his final exams and lost a few days and knows he has only half a day to prepare for the exam. There are three main ways that he can relate to this scenario.
- One is to declare himself lost and give up.
- Other is “I will try a little, but It’s probably useless. I am so damn stupid!”.
- The last one is: “Ok, I don’t have much time. It was a mistake to procrastinate, but It happened. I will try to identify the best materials and resources to learn from. After that, I will do my best to learn it - then we will see.”
Most of the time, the response would be somewhere on that scale. I would suggest that one approach is more empowering and helpful than the others. It does it by just reframing the whole situation in a more positive light that makes it more actionable.
Reflecting questions:
❔ What was the last time you said I was something negative and focused on that?
❔ Is there an alternative approach that you could have taken?
❔ Would you be friends with someone who talks to you as you speak to yourself?
-
If no:
- Why wouldn’t you be a friend to that person?
- What a person misses that a true friend has?
- What actionable steps can you take to be a better friend to yourself ?
-
If yes:
- Would you be real friends with that person? Why?
Can you see life as a video game?
We love them. Be immersed in the story, fighting monsters or evil humans. We could be that person our whole lives! There is so much to explore, try and learn. We can gather equipment and become more powerful and at the same time enjoy a great adventure.
The question is relatively straightforward. Can we reframe how we see the world around us in video game fashion (playing the archetype of the good guy)?
Seeing tasks as quests that get us better equipment, experiences, and money. Instead of seeing tasks we don’t want to do and must do as huge giant nasty monsters, we need to overcome them so we can continue with the story. Loving that we have no clue where the story would go and so we are even more excited.
"See if you can look at life as a game. Each time that you encounter a place in the game that you have previously panicked and reacted poorly, try to do better the next time that you encounter it. Play the game of life: Level up."
Eric Overby
Reflecting questions: